So you want to be a writer?

This will always be my favourite poem. The speech I always needed. And the thoughts I always wanted to hear. Despite the controversial views towards this writer, I undeniably adore his raw honesty regarding journalism and writing as a passion, expected to be linked to an occupation. Bukowski is often associated and remembered by the era where he grew disillusioned with the publication process and stopped writing for almost a decade. Yet I see him as a writer who began writing again once he left the hospital after his near-fatal bleeding ulcer. Poet and short story writer. He needed to write. I will never admire him for the way he spoke about women. But I will always admire the way he felt about writing. The manner in which this man kept writing regardless of the critics or the lack of sold work is a representation of all of us. Artists and writers.

so you want to be a writer?

Charles Bukowski1920 – 1994

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don’t do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it for money or
fame,
don’t do it.
if you’re doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don’t do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don’t do it.
if it’s hard work just thinking about doing it,
don’t do it.
if you’re trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.


if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you’re not ready.

don’t be like so many writers,
don’t be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don’t be dull and boring and
pretentious, don’t be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don’t add to that.
don’t do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

So you want to be a writer- Charles Bukowski (Video)

Continue reading “So you want to be a writer?”

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Femininity: A rejected concept in the workplace

I was 17, looking in the mirror and tying my hair in a low bun when thinking about appearing like a journalist. I then noticed the encouragement women get for their feminine features in the street and the lack of it in the office. I realised that long hair was not encouraged in several occupations. I realised that I doubted my abilities of writing when my hair was down. And I realised: We associate feminine features with a lack of ability to work due to the traditional roles that have not yet been eradicated. I no longer want to overthink my clothes and my makeup, my hair and my shoes when going to work. I no longer want to feel guilty for liking my long hair. I realise this has been an ongoing view for years and I no longer want to link every physical decision with my occupation. I no longer want to feel insecure when going make up free or be expected to wear a shirt that is never revealing or wear my hair up because I want to look ‘professional’. I want to feel beautiful and I want to feel that way with whatever makes me feel that way. I don’t want to doubt my red lipstick and I don’t want to doubt my hair if I didn’t straighten it that morning. Women come in every shape and style and are made by the decisions and choices they have made about their bodies. I hate that i have been moulded into thinking that the features that make me feminine should be hidden in the workplace.I wish they knew that female empowerment came with all of the embodiment of the name. Not just a brain and two legs. I wish they knew that women will always find a way to be women. Whether it’s their pride in their appearance or their ability to shut you up without saying the words and instead using a response that will leave you wondering their potential. Their ability to make decisions, their intellectual abilities, their compassion or their art are what makes women professional, not the outfit that they planned the night before. I hope that the day I have to get ready for work, I’ll leave the house feeling confident, and not uncertain of the physical choices I made.

I am now 18. I cut my hair because I relied on it to feel beautiful. I wear lipstick like it’s lip balm and I love wearing red. And I no longer feel like my clothes and my makeup need to change for specific environments because I feel proud of what I have to say.

 

 

-Original photograph

When I knew he was the one

That’s when I knew he was the one

We had been silent for 2 hours after a discussion

when I mentioned: “well if you don’t know how to fix it and I can’t, we’re fucked”

to which he responded with: “what do we do now then?”

I smiled, holding in laughter and bursted.

He responded the same way

We both mentioned “this is so stupid”

to which he followed with “I love you”

It wasn’t the first time he had said it

but it meant more than I was used to.

 

-Original photograph

February Goals

After prolonging a set of goals, due to the immense fear of failing when tackling them, I have decided to act on the consuming thoughts of what my life could be. Writing them down will push me as it will no longer be a part of the thoughts that provoke me to sit and think of the things I want to accomplish.

  1. I will act more rather than put it off. Procrastination is a normalised factor obtained by a tired individual. I want to upgrade my predicted grades now that I found the perfect university for me. in order to do so, I will work from 4-7 during weekdays. I will write every essay to my fullest potential, rather than simply getting it done and feel proud of doing an average piece of writing.
  2. I will start fulfilling my desire to start photography. I will work with what I have now and will only think of possible cameras once I know it’s truly for me. I have been putting this one off for the past 2 years as I thought I could only start filming or doing photography once I had a proper camera and a prominent editing software.
  3. I will stop eating unhealthy meals in order to feel like I’m taking a proper ‘study break’. This has never felt rewarding and I need to go back to my eating habits as to internally feel as though even if I haven’t accomplished something that day, I was good to myself in some way.
  4. My sleeping issues. After 3 years of insane lack of sleep and numerous naps during the daytime, I need to give myself the advice I rush to give friends who prioritised studying over sleep. I will enjoy my mornings enough to motivate me to have them. I want to sleep early and wake up at 6 am. It will be an extreme change as for the past years, 6 am has been the time I would start closing my eyes. That extra hour before getting ready will be used to finish any tasks I would have stayed up for. It will be used to have my morning coffee and read. Now that I am in a long-distance relationship, calling late at night has made me feel as though I had to sleep late for the call to be worthwhile. After communicating this with my boyfriend, he has made it clear that my sleep is a priority. And I’m grateful for that.
  5. I will read regardless of the fact that I have other things to focus on. If the previous points work, I should have time for everything. And I cannot wait to get my time back.
  6. I will start writing on this blog again. I will do it for myself, regardless of the small amounts of views. The things I write will continue to be for me and the people who I am privileged to share it with.

Please read this post- Rome

Ciao friends and happy new year!! I hope you’re all starting 2018 off right, with great family, friends, food and perhaps even a dose of travel?? I am nearing the end of my Italy saga, which is exciting because I have a few fun posts to share from the fall and winter. I would really […]

via Rome, Italy con la mia Famiglia — Amsterdam and Beyond

Happiness

Happiness 

Happiness (noun)

Good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

Bliss, contentment, delight, joy, euphoria, exhilaration, glee, laughter, optimism, prosperity, content, delirium

Everything I hope you experience soon.

Don’t base your happiness on factors that you cannot control. Fall in love with places and things you can turn to. Things that will always be there. Don’t rely on people because once they lack, so does your happiness.

I’m in love with simple things. Cigarettes in summer, a cup of black coffee, walks around the city, good conversations, music in the car, crying of happiness, reading, writing, thinking, the sun and warm nights.

image1

I am happy because I know what makes me feel that way.

“You know what I always thought?”,  someone who once hurt me asked.

“I always thought. And I still think this to this day. Ever since you told me about all of your problems and your environment and friends. I always thought/knew. When high school was over, you probably would be the happiest out of all of us.”

“Us being…?” I wondered why, someone who temporarily ruined my happiness, felt the need to have a say in the way it worked.

“Like everyone I know and you know. Just every mutual friend or mutual people we know. Because you know what you want and what will make you happy. And once you get out of this environment, no one will treat you the way people have treated you here. You probably will be treated like a queen compared to here.

I’m being serious. You’re extremely nice and social, once you go to college people will be the same way towards you that you are to them. You will probably have so many friends and have a loving boyfriend. I honestly think you will have no drama here in a couple of years.”

We have created insignificant issues in order to feel like the level of happiness potential we are surrounded with cannot be reached. We have always being taught the manner of perfection never being fully determined. There is always room for improvement. Therefore, we focus on strategical ‘issues’ such as stride or lack of materialistic ‘value’. We need to feel as ought this isn’t it. If only we knew how much we would miss this. We would never call it ‘it’ then.

Just like we are granted with endless, minor improvements, the numerous consequences capable of pulling us from the previously mentioned chances. Stop basing your happiness in future perspectives and events.

Money is often linked to happiness. However, I always viewed happiness as a person working for what they want. I saw happened in people who had what I wanted: freedom and a minimalistic yet full lifestyle where everything counted.

People associate money to happiness due to the feeling of security and safety it provides. It stabilises your priorities. Because we have become so empty, to the point where paying the rent and buying a pair of shoes are not tasks worthy of work anymore but everything we base our happiness on.

Some are bumps we can’t be satisfied without skipping. Some are things we use as excuses. We mention our lack of common factors as an exploration of our law of fulfilment.  You shouldn’t forget how good something is in your life due to other negative things surrounding it.

We will never be happy if we wait for everything to be perfect. We will be happy when we realise the importance of a single opportunity, act, or situation on its own. Don’t stop enjoying it by focussing on what isn’t right.

If you are happy with your holiday, don’t ruin it by consuming yourself with the negative factors such as stress from work. Because they shouldn’t affect each other.

If you can’t be happy until you get a specific result: you are not happy.

If you’re not happy with what you have now: you are not happy.

If you don’t enjoy a cup of coffee and feel like you are where you want to be: you are not happy.

And that’s okay. Change whatever isn’t right. Admit this isn’t where you want to be and change it. But don’t try to convince yourself or pretend you are superficially content and think that buying something will make you happier. Because in often cases, the way to happiness isn’t addition but change.

Something is usually holding you back rather than letting you grow within yourself. And adding to your life will not get rid of that negative factor or its strength to hold you back.

-Another chapter I will keep adding on to.

Global and Vocal

500 Pens — Discover

500 Pens is a coalition of writers and photographers covering social justice, activism, and advocacy efforts.

via 500 Pens — Discover